Memories, good and bad -a personal note
This evening I’ve been confronted with memories, good and bad. I am still struggling with how much I’d like to share online. How to you feel about sharing personal information? As a result of sharing what feels like too much in the past, I’ve found myself reluctant in republishing some older posts.
It’s Monday evening, and I’m listening to Ben Howard sing Old Pine. We spent most of the evening on the couch watching the season final of Homeland and talked about some current events. Like how United Airlines, used the police to drag a paying customer off the plane of an overbooked flight. They were so brutal, I am so disgusted with them as I am with many things of late.
We often spend hours talking everything from politics to remodeling plans for the coming year (my heart is set on an urban cafe styled kitchen), we’re loving our new home and want to make it as personal as possible.
This years vacation money is going into our garden rather than a trip. A new gate, decorative stones/gravel and most noteworthy, it will be cat friendly.
We have two black cats that want very much to explore outside. Because our garden allows that cats to get out into the street, they’re not allowed in it, at least not yet.
My boyfriend is feeling a bit under the weather so I made some chicken soup, and I placed some french bread filled with garlic butter in the oven to bake. Nothing fancy, just warm and comforting.
I’m now in my room working on cleaning up my hard-drives on my PC. I come across things that carry memories, some good, some bad… some very bad.
Although they are sometimes hard to look back on I find myself relieved at how easily I can now distance myself from the emotions that usually surface when experiencing certain memories.
On my previous blog, I often wrote about my PTSD, and where it came from, so some of you may know a bit about my exposure therapy. This therapy forced me to talk of my traumas, record myself walking through the events, no matter how painful they were and then listen to the recording everyday for a week.
This means that I had to walk through my worst experiences and relive them… over and over.
The idea is that you will start to feel less emotional while listening to an experience. It’s worked for me rather well on almost all of my traumas, in many cases allowing me to discuss them with only a normal amount of emotion. Furthermore I’ve taken the sharp edges off of the others that I’ll never completely escape.
As a result I’m able to distance myself from the enormous pain the memories brought with them. This is a nice discovery, and I’m so thankful to everybody that helped me through it.
While sifting through my photo collections I found a series from March, 2013. It’s something I did for Gatherings Magazine (note: Gatherings is no longer publishing, but I’ve provided the Facebook link).
These photographs look pretty, sunny and charming -however, I was going through a tough time during this shoot.
I had contact with someone I hadn’t seen since she was a young child and had just finished reading her book that included a tragedy that I was indirectly a part of. Consequently, the memories overwhelmed me, therefore I placed all my time into distractions, like this photo shoot.
I’m happy to be able to share these photographs from the Gatherings shoot with you. Let the sunshine in =)
If any of you or someone you love is going through a hard time, please remember it can get better even when it seems like it never will. I won’t pretend to know it all, but I can say from experience that things can get better no matter how down you may be feeling at times.
Take care and have a pleasant week.
xoxo teresa Micheile
Thanks to Cierra for helping her mum with this shoot!